Broken

You eventually came around to me

I became your eventuality 

After the pain

After the brokenness that couldn't be fixed

After decisions have been made that will scar all those who tried to get close to me

Then is when you started to see me

When it was to late

When early on you choose your fate

Breathing darkness into me

Trying to weaken me

To break me

Until I was on the floor 

Underneath the earth before my birth

Until I was suffocating from the pain

Trying to scrub away your stain

When all I could do is pray 

Going through self doubt 

Wondering how I could ever possibly heal from such brokenness

How will I ever even find the pieces 

When they're so shattered how can I even begin to put them together

Or find them 

How can I even find those pieces of myself

Everything ceases and falls into itself 

Ah the pain the pain 

Living in hell made by someone else 

Created from darkness 

Trying to extinguish the light 

He tried to extinguish my light 

Take all that I am made of destroy all that I'm made of

So I can feel dead like him empty 

Empty simply empty 

My Cat Bella

On my travels I've had many ups and downs, times of the deepest sadness and times of pure joy. The one being I've missed the most is my cat Bella. When living in Florida when I was going through bad times, she would always be there to comfort me and I miss that so much.

You see me and Bella have been together for many lifetimes, she's been my cat companion for a very long time and I always think of her and I love her deeply, we are connected through love.

My recent travel was very difficult, I was deeply saddened by the circumstances and so I decided to visit a park nearby my hotel. Soon I realized that this park is literally full of cats! You can imagine my excitement! As I was walking along petting as many cats that would allow me to I came upon her, a cat that looked exactly like my Bella.

You see Bella is a Norwegian forest cat, with long black fur with some brown undertones. A very rare and antique breed. This cat looked exactly, exactly like her! So I bent down and said "hi Bella can I pet you? Bella can I pet you?" She immediately started purring and came over to me and rubbing her body against me. Then she put her front paws on my lap, I took this as a signal that I was allowed to pick her up, so I did and we walked over to a nearby bench. She stayed with me the entire time I was there, just laying with me, she even let me kiss her nose the way I used to kiss Bella, just giving me her love.

I am so grateful for her love! I needed it so badly! I know Bella was channelled there, I know it was her! She knew that I needed her!

I just wanted to share the deep connection we have with our animal friends, and they are there when we need them no matter where we are. And also how grateful I am for this connection and the deep connection with the universe.

Again and again

I've been to heaven
I've taken long journeys in hell
Sat in darkness with my eyes closed
Until they came to wake me up
I've built myself up and torn myself down again
I walked through hell again
I've cried I've died
Dismissing the thought of breathing again
But I woke up again
They came to pick me up
To show me the light again
To guide me again
Then for a moment I could see it
Perfect clarity graced me
Tempting me to hope again
But it is still winter
Spring is forgotten in the ice crystals
And I am walking in hell again
Some warm breeze tickles my mind
And I can see the green again
The green I can find
The change in my mind
The season of change is in range
The cold still bites at my soul
But the warmth
The promise kisses the hope of change
Kissing me again and again

Patience

My waters are usually flat, serene, unmovable
They keep dumping their pollution
They create tsunamis, tempest, whirlpools
Instability
Then my own sadness
The touch of pleasure
The touch of freedom
The box is getting smaller
Or I'm getting bigger
Expanding
Craving transcendence
My heart is suffocating
It is exploding or imploding
It is a chaotic space
A space of creation
A space of destruction
It is a hell trying to transform into heaven
It is the burning and the dissolution
You can see its wings
The gold the red
The ashes the smoke
The pain the pleasure
The tears the stabs
The center bleeds
It bleeds then expands
It bleeds and heals
It searches, searches, searches
Found
It waits, waits, waits

Love wins

There was a family
A father, mother, two sons and a daughter.
This family loved animals and decided to adopt a dog.

The oldest brother immediately took the dog and started aggressively training him. Through this aggression the dog complied and obeyed his new master. In response the older brother would hold his head high and show off to family and friends his accomplishments. When they gave him the attention he desired, he would then ignore and treat the dog badly.

His sister, who was the middle child of her brothers, felt very sad about the mistreatment of the animal, she loved the dog very much. So when her brother grew tired and abandoned the dog she immediately took over and would play with him and let him have free will doing what he pleased. The dog was very happy and loved her very much as well. He would always come when she called and when he heard her voice would jump with excitement. The dog loved her trusted her and always obeyed her.

One day her older brother saw how much the dog loved her and how he always obeyed her without even a treat. The dog would wag his tail and follow her around. But from him the dog would always run and hide. So he became jealous and angry with his sister. So one day when his sister and the dog were playing in a distance field and their father wasn't looking he took the dog from his sister, telling her that "it" had to follow rules. When she protested he hit her so hard she fell back inside a deep ditch unconscious and unable to climb out.
That evening when the sun started to set and the daughter hadn't returned, the father grew nervous, and begin to worry. He asked his son who was holding the dog on a chain where his sister was. He just shrugged his shoulders and continued what he was doing without even looking up. Immediately, the father knew that he had done something terrible so he went looking for his daughter everywhere.

Finally, the next morning he found her in the ditch. She was awake but couldn't climb out. Her father lifted her out into his arms and asked her who did this terrible thing to her. Her face was completely bruised and the back of her head had been bleeding. She replied that her brother was angry about the dog and became violent.

Her father became hot with anger. So when they returned and he gave his daughter to her mother, he called his son.

"Why have you done this to your sister? You are to protect her from other people doing this and you yourself have done this terrible thing! Now you shall pay with your inheritance and you will leave at once! I don't want to see your face again."

The son pleaded with his father but it was to late what done was done. His father wanted to make an example of him.

In the meantime while the daughter was healing the younger son decided to take care of the dog. But he wanted to do everything properly, so he bought the biggest most expensive book he could find on taking care of dogs and followed it rule by rule, never deviating. He was proud of himself and wanted to impress his father. However, the dog still preferred to stay with his sister and would run when he called him.

Soon his sister was better, she and the dog played joyfully as before, no treats, no rulebook. The dog did whatever it wanted but would always obey her.

One day, the younger brother, sister and their father were all outside enjoying the weather. Of course, the sister was playing with the dog. Her brother felt that this was a perfect opportunity to impress his father with what he trained the dog to do. So he tried calling the dog, but it would not come. Then he walked up to him and gave him a command. But the dog ignored him and kept playing with the sister.

Finally, the brother became angry and took the dog aggressively from his sister, yelling and demeaning his sister right in front of their father. However, he refrained from hitting her, he didn't want the punishment his brother received.

When the father saw what his son was doing to his sister, he became hot with anger. He couldn't tolerate anyone abusing his daughter in any way. So he took the dog from his son and returned it to his daughter.

Seeing what her father was about to do, she stopped him. "Father, she said, please forgive him, he doesn't yet understand. Please don't send him away." For she loved both her brothers, and she knew that they didn't understand how to love. "Father, he can learn, please be patient."

In that moment the father saw that his daughter understood true love, not only with the dog who loved her back but with her brothers who did not.

So he gave her the dog to care for along with the inheritance of the two sons. This gave her dominion over the family and both brothers would have to answer always to her. For he knew that she would always be loving and fair.

Father = Heavenly Father
Older brother = those who disrespect God and those around them
Younger Brother = those who only follow the rules of love but are disconnected from it
Daughter = Jesus and the Divine Feminine
Dog = can be any of us

Love is all that matters. You can't find it in a book. You can't receive it from doing evil things.

A Message from the Runes

Perth
Initiation
Something Hidden
A Secret Matter

A hieratic or mystery Rune, Perth points to that which is beyond our frail manipulative powers. This Rune is on the side of heaven, the Unknowable, and has associations with the Phoenix, that mystical bird which consumes itself in the fire and then rises from it's own ashes. Its ways are secret and hidden.

Deep inner transformational forces are at work here. Yet what is achieved is not easily or readily shared. An integrity is involved that may be masked, disguised or secret. After all, becoming whole, the means of it, is a profound secret.

On the side of the earthly or mundane, there may well be surprises, gains or rewards you did not anticipate. On the side of Human nature, this Rune is symbolized by the flight of the Eagle. Soaring flight, free from entanglement, lifting yourself above the endless ebb and flow of ordinary life to acquire broader vision - all this is indicated here.

Another of the Cycle Runes, Perth signifies in intense aspect of Initiation. Nothing external matters here, except as it shows you its inner reflection. This Rune is concerned with the deepest stratum of your being, the bedrock on which your Destiny is founded. For some, Perth means experiencing a death. If need be, let go of everything, no exceptions, no exclusion. Nothing less than renewal of the Spirit is at stake.

Reversed
A counsel against expecting too much, or expecting in the ordinary way, for the old way has come to an end: you simply cannot repeat the old and not suffer. Call in your scattered Energies, concentrate on your own life at this moment, your own requirements for growth. More important, Perth counsels you neither to focus on outcomes nor bind yourself to the memory of past achievements. For in doing so you rob yourself of a true present, the only time in which self-change can be realized.

You may feel overwhelmed with exhaustion from meeting obstruction upon obstruction in your passage. Yes always you have a choice you can see this apparent negativity as bad luck, or you can recognize it as an obstacle course, a challenge specific to the Initiation you are presently undergoing. With each set back, each humiliation, becomes a test of character. When you're inner being is shifting and reforming on a deep level, patience, constancy and perseverance are called for. To stay centered see the humor, and keep your faith firm.

The Book of Runes by Ralph Blum.

So That We May Be Gathered and Made Whole Once Again

O Cosmic birther of all Radiance and Vibration

Soften the Ground of Our Being
And Carve Out a Space Within Us Where Your Presence can Abide

Fill Us With Your Creativity So That We May Be Empowered to Bear the Fruit of Your Mission

Let Each of Our Actions Bear Fruit in Accordance With Your Desire

Endow Us with the Wisdom to Produce and Share what Each Being Needs to Grow and Flourish

Untie the Tangled Threads of Destiny that Binds Us
As We Release Others From the Entanglement of Past Mistakes

Do Not Let Us be Seduced by What Would Divert Us From our True Purpose
But Illuminate the Opportunities of the Present Moment

For You are the Ground and the Fruitful Vision
The Birth
Power and Fulfillment
As all is Gathered and Made Whole Once Again

I can say the first time a friend showed me this translation of the Lord's Prayer I was completely overcome by emotion. It vibrates the deep love that resides in our center being, expanding it, shattering any walls that block our hearts from giving and receiving unconditional and divine love.

This prayer asks the Creator, the Source of life and love to help us, to allow us to be drawn closer to the love and protection, that is so very abundant when our complete reliance is on the Divine.

This prayer also reminds how important it is to attract to ourselves what we desire through our thoughts and actions. As well as when opportunities arise we are able to see them and take hold. Teaching us to stay present.

Forgiving ourselves and others is extremely important for the health of our energetic and physical being, it releases us from a negative cycle that seeks to destroy our happiness, our serenity.

By the end of the prayer we are reminded how grand the creator is. The Ground and fruitful vision. Representing the real reality we want to create. The birth or manifestation of that vision into our reality. The power and fulfillment, which suggests how grand our creator is and how nothing is to great, or to much, abundance flows infinitely from the heavens.
As we are gathered and made whole we realize that we are all connected to each other and the Universe, we are love and we are loved.

Love and Light